Really?

You all know what it's like to miss someone, right?
So what do you do?
You call/text/email/snail mail them. "Hey, friend, I miss you!" Really, I just did it to a friend today. Or, for instance, my friend Eliska lives in Iowa City and I can call her up and tell her that I was thinking about her.

I miss my dad. And it hurts, physically hurts, that I can't tell him that. I can't just call him and say, "Hey dad, I miss you!"

I want nothing more than to tell him I miss him. That I think about him every day. I hate that I can't tell my dad what I've been through the last few months. I hate that I get the urge to call him after I get off work, and I'm reminded, yet again, that my dad is no longer here. I'm reminded every day that I no longer have a father.

It breaks my heart. Physically hurts.

My friends and I are going through life changes. We're in that stage now. Most of the changes consist of grand ceremonies proclaiming love till death to they part. Some are past that and are now having a baby (or three).

I hate that my "life change" is nothing sweet. It's not being united in marriage with a man who loves me. Instead, it's losing the man who's loved me my entire life. It's knowing that someday (if ever), I get married, my dad will not be walking me down the aisle. My dad will never give a man his approval for marrying me.

(I hope this doesn't sound like a pity party. In all honesty, this is something I think about every day. Every. Single. Day.)

So why? Why did God find this an opportune time for my dad to die?
Here it is. Probably my one big, amazing thought I'll share with you:

I HAVE NO IDEA.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8

Really, God? That's the best you can come up with? This is what I have to trust? That your ways and thoughts are higher than mine? Hmm. If I'm really honest, that doesn't cut it. God thought it was a good idea for my dad to die at this time, and now I have to trust Him? Now I have to believe that "He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes,"?  (Romans 8:28)

This is part of the daily struggle. Trust. Will I trust God to work things together for good? Will I trust that He's still a good Father? That is the day-by-day, hour-by-hour decision.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?  If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-11

So, hey, God. You give good things, right? Let's see the good that will come of this. I'm waiting in expectation for you to follow through on your promise.

PS: Do you have a dad? Call him and tell him you love him. One day, it's the only thing you'll want to do.