Welcome to the busiest month of my life. I'm taking a bit of time during Mission to the City (a 5 day mission trip to Des Moines Walnut Creek Downtown does every May) to write this post.
You know that feeling when it seems like a rug has been pulled out from under you? That's how I've felt the past week. When that happens, your footing is lost, there's a sense of being unbalanced, and hoping the things around you don't fall over, as well.
For me, that rug was the shock that came after losing my dad. And then this last week, that shock suddenly went away. I've learned that the shock (for me) was protection. It protected me from emotions I would eventually have to face. It gave me a place to sweep emotions I wasn't ready to process. I thought, at some point, together, God and I would roll up that rug and we would slowly deal with everything that was underneath.
But, alas, this was not the case. I guess God thought the best way to handle this was to just yank the rug out from underneath me. What happened? I lost my footing. Things started to fall over. I was left with a bunch of emotions and now I have to pick up those things that fell over. Including myself.
I'm left with an overwhelming amount of sadness, anger, bitterness, and jealousy. And I have to face it all. I have to sit down and sort through everything. When it comes to my thoughts and emotions, I need to compartmentalize.
This is when it's important for me to remember the goodness of that week my dad died.
"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among the peoples. You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph."
-Psalm 77:11-15
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